One was enough... | dyin2live's Blog

We just found out yesterday that my daughter is bipolar-type-2 like me.  She had written a note to a friend at school that made it sound like she wanted to harm herself, so I get this surprise phone call from the school early afternoon.  I was prepared for her to be in trouble--I was not prepared for what I heard the counselor read to me.  I broke down crying and I haven't stopped since, except for short bursts when I can manage to get it together.

My meds are not in full effect yet, so I was already in a fragile state.  PMS on top of bipolar that is barely medicated is not a good thing.

But to hear the thoughts from my head being read back to me from my sweet daughter's note...  that destroyed me. 

I talked to our friends last night.  Nobody told me she was in trouble because nobody knew how to approach me without upsetting me or having me go off on them since I was so unstable myself.  So nobody said anything.  Not when she talked about wanting to cut, not when she exhibited manic symptoms of being unable to control herself, not when she was depressed.  They all talked to each other but nobody came to me and my husband.  Not even our church leaders who are supposed to be helping to take care of us.  I am trying to be understanding of all of this--after all, I wouldn't have wanted to approach me either if I were them.  But she has gotten so bad... 

I am sincerely afraid she will follow through with her threats and start really harming herself.  She already gave herself a friction burn on her arm at her fathers' house this past weekend and tried to tell us it was a bug bite that she scratched.  Bugs?  In Texas?  okay, yeah...but not in thirty and forty degree weather.

I am so afraid.

and I am ashamed of the way both of us have acted.

and I am embarrassed.

and I am upset and hurt.

and I am petrified that we will not be able to save her.